52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks - Week 19

Joe, Mom and me ~1956

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, and also to all the women who have served in the capacity of “mom” regardless of birthing circumstances. The writing prompt for this week is, of course, Mother’s Day. For most of my life Mother’s Day was, in my mind, a time to celebrate my own mother. Even after I had my first child in 1985, it never felt like “my” day. After all, my mom had been doing the job a whole lot longer than me.

When she died in 1989, the “Mother” disappeared from “Mother’s Day”. Instead of a day of celebrating, it became a day of mourning. It was many, many years before I could even begin to look at Mother’s Day cards again. The fact that my son barely got to know my mom, and that my daughter never had the opportunity to do so, still breaks my heart. She was such an important part of me, and a wonderful and fun-loving person, that it is a shame they didn’t get a chance to share their lives with her.

me, Andy and mom 1989

my sister and me
Mother's Day 2013

I’m grateful for my older sister who, due to the difference in our ages, often seemed like a second mother to me as I was growing up. Our roles are different now that we are grown up, but she has been such a support to me as she felt our mother’s loss every bit as strongly as me. We try to get together on Mother’s Day, and that has helped with our healing.

I’m also blessed to have a mother-in-law who has always been a strong role model for me throughout the 40 plus years that I have known her. She is my mom in all the important ways, and I pray that we have many more Mother’s Days to share.

my mother and father-in-law with my mom and dad
Mother's Day 1979

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks - Week 18

Catherine Crusham

This week I selected a photograph of my mother, Catherine (Crusham) Kubler, for the writing prompt Close Up. While I do have a photo of her from when she was quite small, she is in a baby carriage and her features are hard to make out. I believe this picture was taken around 1923 in Cincinnati, Ohio. You can’t tell from this black and white photo, but my mom was a natural redhead as were her father and at least two of her seven siblings.

Catherine was the third child born alive (two others were stillborn) to Michael and Mary (Metz) Crusham, and five additional children followed her. I’ve always been a bit surprised that this photograph was taken, as it was obviously done in a studio. Michael and Mary were not a well-to-do couple, and by the time it was taken a fourth daughter would have been added to the family. Where did they come up with the money for the portrait? Did the other children have their photos taken as well? I’ll have to ask my aunts next time I see them.

Mom seems pretty pensive in the picture. Perhaps the gargoyles carved on the chair scared her! Most likely she had never seen a photographer with a big camera before. But smile or no, I am grateful to have this depiction of what my mother looked like as a child.

Kim Kubler

I find it interesting to compare her photograph to one taken of me around the same age in Chicago where we lived from the time I was a few months old until I turned five. I obviously had no qualms about having my picture taken. My dad always had a camera around, so I was used to having one pointed at me.

Mom and I both had curly hair, though mine was brown while hers was red. I see the most similarities in the upper part of our faces, in the shape of the eyes and the nose. From my mom I also inherited my height, or lack thereof, my pear shape and my bunions. Yay…

But it is inside where we are most alike, I think. I share my mom’s sense of humor, her view of seeing the glass as half full, her fierce protection of her family, her love of travel, and her willingness to try new things.

It would have been wonderful had she lived long enough for us to be able to travel and try some new things together.

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks - Week 1

This year I am going to shift my weekly posts from a focus on my memories and the Family Search 52 Stories project to stories about my ancestors. A Facebook post by the Hamilton County Genealogical Society brought my attention to the 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks challenge. Amy Johnson Crow started the challenge several years ago in an effort to encourage genealogists to write and share information about their ancestors.

Very general writing prompts are provided for the 52 Ancestors challenge. For the first week of 2018, the prompt is Start. Obviously that leaves the door wide open in terms of what I can write about. Do I want to start with me? Or how about starting with the oldest person alive in my family? Or perhaps the person farthest back in my family tree?

My mother is the infant in this picture, taken in 1920 in
Cincinnati, OH. Also in the photo are her father Michael
Crusham, mother Mary (Mayme) Crusham, and sisters
Marie and Stella.

As I pondered these questions, I decided to write about how I got started in researching my ancestors.  Like most people, I remember hearing my older relatives talk about growing up, telling stories about their parents and other people in the family. Also like most people, I paid little attention to what they were discussing. It seemed boring to me as a child. One of my cousins, however, got interested in genealogy while in her 30s, and drew up a small family tree of the Crusham family. This was way before the computer provided much help in the way of charts, and long before the Internet offered meaningful information to family historians. She researched the old-fashioned way, pouring through old records at the local repositories. My mom gave me a copy of the tree in July of 1989 when she and my dad stopped at our house on their way to visit my brother in Colorado.

That was the last time I saw my mom alive as she was killed in a car accident on the way home from their Colorado trip. Suddenly I realized that an important link between me and my ancestors had been severed. I could no longer ask my mom questions about growing up, her parents, or what it was like to be a new mother alone when her husband was sent to the China-Burma-India Theater during WWII. How I wished I had listened more closely to the stories when I was young! In 1989 I was 33 years old with a son who was 4 and would grow up not remembering the most important woman in my life.

Last photo taken of me and my son, Andy,
with my mom in April of 1989.

My mother's death sparked in me a desire to actively research my family while other, older members of the clan were still alive. I have picked their brains, listened to their stories, and done my best to document where we came from. I've had the privilege of visiting a few ancestral towns abroad, meeting distant relatives along the way. Most of all, I've gained a greater sense of who I am, due in no small part to the tenacity and sacrifices made by my ancestors.

As a side note, it is fitting that this post is being made on January 6th, which would have been my mom's 98th birthday. Happy heavenly birthday, mom!

Family Search 52 Stories Week 34

What is an object you treasure that you got from your mother?

There are many items I inherited when my dad died, such as the family photo albums. There is no question that those are a treasure. However, they did not come from my mother as she predeceased my dad. The one thing that my mom specifically said would be mine one day was her diamond cocktail ring. She would tell me that when I was a still living at home, and I would always give her a hug and say that I wanted her in my life, not her ring.

original wedding bands

 My dad had enlisted in the Army Air Corp when he and my mom got married in 1942. As with so many war couples, they had little money so their rings were simple. At a later date, my dad gave mom a bigger engagement ring and a new wedding band. She also bought him a diamond wedding band. Mom gave her original engagement ring to my older sister, who in turn passed that along to her daughter. I guess that is why mom felt like I should have the cocktail ring.

cocktail ring

But there is a funny story behind this ring. My dad liked new cars, and once in Des Moines when he purchased a Cadillac, the dealer gave him the cocktail ring. Can you even imagine? Mom only wore it when they were going out someplace fancy, which wasn't very often. After she passed in 1989, dad made sure that I received the ring. I, too, wear it only when we are going someplace fancy. Every time I look at it, I think longingly and lovingly about my mom. And when I wear it, I feel as though she is going someplace fancy with me.

Family Search 52 Stories Week 33

Today is my mother-in-law's birthday, so I wanted to use a writing prompt that involves mothers.

Who are some other important mother figures who have been influential in your life?

My mother-in-law and I first met at Iowa State when I was 19 years old and dating her son. She has been a part of my world for over 40 years, and I can't imagine my life without her in it. Lorraine is a very loving, compassionate and affectionate woman. She is called Honey by her family, and the nickname is perfect for her. I know that I have been extremely blessed in the in-law department. You hear so many stories and jokes about mother-in-laws, and honestly I just can't relate to any of them. Early on in our marriage, I gave her a framed photo of the poem shown below.

Through our relationship I have learned to be a better cook (she gave me wonderful recipes), experienced the rare pleasure of conversing with someone who actually listens attentively when I speak (she truly cares about what people are telling her), and most importantly been a better mother to my own children (I hope) by observing her interactions with her family.

I was only 32 when my own mother died, and Lorraine has filled a very large whole in my heart. She has been an outstanding grandmother to my kids, having the kind of relationship with them that I was never able to have with my own grandparents. I hope to someday have the opportunity to be that type of grandma myself.

The bonus mother that God gifted me with has enhanced my life beyond words, and I could not love or respect her more were she the one who gave birth to me. It's just an added bonus that she makes homemade brownies and cinnamon rolls that could put the mall bakeries out of business.

Happiest of birthdays to my mother and my friend!

Family Search 52 Stories Week 14

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, so of course I needed a writing prompt based on moms for today's post.

How would you describe your relationship with your mother - either now or in the past?

As mentioned in the last post, my mom and I were very close. That may be because I was the baby of the family, or maybe we were alike in personality and temperament. Whatever the reason, I loved spending time with her. She taught me how to sew, and tried teaching me to knit and crochet. The last two didn't catch on with me, however. She was an extremely talented bowler and golfer, and was quite an artist - more skills that did not pass on to me.

She made friends easily and had a wonderful sense of humor, which I think helped her survive a marriage that wasn't always smooth. My dad had a short temper, and being around him at times was like walking on eggshells. But mom was somehow able to laugh things off, usually.

My mom tried her best to attend my softball games in junior high, and my marching events and plays when I reached high school. She didn't always have a car, but when she did she was there for me. I brought her up to Iowa State for a mother's weekend that my dorm planned, and she had such a blast! She had never been able to attend college herself, so she was thrilled to get a little taste of it.

all my family in 1978

We enjoyed working together while planning my wedding, and she helped me modify a dress pattern so that I could make my own wedding dress. She crocheted all the lace for the dress, patterning it off the design on the veil she and I had scored on the clearance rack at Younkers for the bargain price of $7.50! That was 1/10 the price it was originally marked. She also made the dress for the junior bridesmaid and the vests for the two ring bearers.

Mom was the one who advised me not to rush into having kids. She told me we should enjoy each other as a couple, travel and get established in our jobs, because once the kids came along things would change. She and dad, like most people of their generation, immediately started their families once they got married. Maybe it was easy for her to say that because my older siblings had already supplied her with five grandchildren by the time we got married. 

Andy and mom 1985

When I had Andy, our first baby, she and dad drove over to help out, which was a godsend as I developed an all over rash post-delivery that necessitated a trip to the dermatology department of a research hospital, biopsies and a regimen of prednisone. They took care of the baby while I fought that weird postpartum skin disorder.

Andy was only four when mom died, and she never got to meet her namesake, Kathryn. I felt, and still feel, cheated. Cheated out of my time with her, and so incredibly sad that her grandchildren never got to know this vibrant, funny woman who gave me not only life and a sense of humor, but also my sense of who I am.