52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks - Week 19

Joe, Mom and me ~1956

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, and also to all the women who have served in the capacity of “mom” regardless of birthing circumstances. The writing prompt for this week is, of course, Mother’s Day. For most of my life Mother’s Day was, in my mind, a time to celebrate my own mother. Even after I had my first child in 1985, it never felt like “my” day. After all, my mom had been doing the job a whole lot longer than me.

When she died in 1989, the “Mother” disappeared from “Mother’s Day”. Instead of a day of celebrating, it became a day of mourning. It was many, many years before I could even begin to look at Mother’s Day cards again. The fact that my son barely got to know my mom, and that my daughter never had the opportunity to do so, still breaks my heart. She was such an important part of me, and a wonderful and fun-loving person, that it is a shame they didn’t get a chance to share their lives with her.

me, Andy and mom 1989

my sister and me
Mother's Day 2013

I’m grateful for my older sister who, due to the difference in our ages, often seemed like a second mother to me as I was growing up. Our roles are different now that we are grown up, but she has been such a support to me as she felt our mother’s loss every bit as strongly as me. We try to get together on Mother’s Day, and that has helped with our healing.

I’m also blessed to have a mother-in-law who has always been a strong role model for me throughout the 40 plus years that I have known her. She is my mom in all the important ways, and I pray that we have many more Mother’s Days to share.

my mother and father-in-law with my mom and dad
Mother's Day 1979

Family Search 52 Stories Week 14

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, so of course I needed a writing prompt based on moms for today's post.

How would you describe your relationship with your mother - either now or in the past?

As mentioned in the last post, my mom and I were very close. That may be because I was the baby of the family, or maybe we were alike in personality and temperament. Whatever the reason, I loved spending time with her. She taught me how to sew, and tried teaching me to knit and crochet. The last two didn't catch on with me, however. She was an extremely talented bowler and golfer, and was quite an artist - more skills that did not pass on to me.

She made friends easily and had a wonderful sense of humor, which I think helped her survive a marriage that wasn't always smooth. My dad had a short temper, and being around him at times was like walking on eggshells. But mom was somehow able to laugh things off, usually.

My mom tried her best to attend my softball games in junior high, and my marching events and plays when I reached high school. She didn't always have a car, but when she did she was there for me. I brought her up to Iowa State for a mother's weekend that my dorm planned, and she had such a blast! She had never been able to attend college herself, so she was thrilled to get a little taste of it.

all my family in 1978

We enjoyed working together while planning my wedding, and she helped me modify a dress pattern so that I could make my own wedding dress. She crocheted all the lace for the dress, patterning it off the design on the veil she and I had scored on the clearance rack at Younkers for the bargain price of $7.50! That was 1/10 the price it was originally marked. She also made the dress for the junior bridesmaid and the vests for the two ring bearers.

Mom was the one who advised me not to rush into having kids. She told me we should enjoy each other as a couple, travel and get established in our jobs, because once the kids came along things would change. She and dad, like most people of their generation, immediately started their families once they got married. Maybe it was easy for her to say that because my older siblings had already supplied her with five grandchildren by the time we got married. 

Andy and mom 1985

When I had Andy, our first baby, she and dad drove over to help out, which was a godsend as I developed an all over rash post-delivery that necessitated a trip to the dermatology department of a research hospital, biopsies and a regimen of prednisone. They took care of the baby while I fought that weird postpartum skin disorder.

Andy was only four when mom died, and she never got to meet her namesake, Kathryn. I felt, and still feel, cheated. Cheated out of my time with her, and so incredibly sad that her grandchildren never got to know this vibrant, funny woman who gave me not only life and a sense of humor, but also my sense of who I am.